NeilGraber.com – Blog

Here’s a little piece about “friends”. 

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If I happened to show up on your door step crying, would you care?
If I called you and asked you to pick me up because something
happened, would you come?
If I had one day left to live my life, would you be part of that last day?
If I needed a shoulder to cry on, would you give me yours?

This is a test to see who your real friends are or if you are just
someone to talk to when they are bored.

Do you know what the relationship is between your two eyes?

They blink together,
they move together,
they cry together,
they see things together,
and they sleep together,
but they never see each other!
that’s what friendship is.

Your aspiration is your motivation,
your motivation is your belief,
your belief is your peace,
your peace is your target,
your target is above,
and life is like hard core torture without it!

Ya know… It’s ‘World Best Friends Week’
Who out there, are among your best friends?

I am attaching a forward I received called “The Seed” – this is good enough to share.

A successful business man was growing old, and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together. He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO.

I have decided to choose one of you.” The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued.  “I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here oneyear from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.

I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be this company’s next CEO!”

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story.  She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.

Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to suddenly grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a growing plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by, but still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering and fertilizing the soil. He so disparately wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went, by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened.

Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his olleagues laughed, some even felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. However, Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, huge trees and beautiful flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure!
Maybe he will have me fired!”

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed and Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down, except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to all the other young executives, “Behold, our next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!”

Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed. “How could he be the new CEO?” the others said to themselves.

Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, hey were all dead.  It was impossible for any of them to grow!”

He then added, “All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. However, Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it.

Therefore, he is the one who will be this company’s new Chief Executive Officer!”

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
* If you plant hard work, you will reap success
* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

So, be careful what you plant now, it will determine what you will reap later.

“Use what talent you possess.  The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except for those that sang best”  Henry VanDyke

Each of us possess talents – some may be hidden, where others are prominent.  Some may be exceedingly strong gifts, where others will not be as strong.  Each skill bestowed upon us can be put to use.  Yet as individuals we control the decision to use or share our talents, or keep them locked away so no one will notice. 

As the quotation states, we needn’t have a highly developed talent to use that skill.  By choosing to not use any of our skills, we deprive others from the benefits we can provide.  Certain individuals have the ability to assist others to completely turn a life around and head them in a new direction.  For others, their best may only to give a friendly greeting and a smile.  Regardless of the gifts we share with others, a benefit is received.  Other than being selfish, there is no reason we would want to withhold a benefit to others.

I encourage you to use your talents, whatever size they are.  Even if you feel uncomfortable sharing, someone will know you care – that in itself is a benefit.  Once you see the smile you give is received - and the individual smiles back at you – then you will know your gift of a smile has been multiplied and returned back to you.  And that, is about all we could ask for.

For those of you working as a team, perhaps we can learn something about teamwork from geese.  As we have observed, geese fly in a “V” formation.  It is reported by flying in formation, the whole flock of geese can add 71% greater flying range than if they were to fly on their own. 

So with our teams, what does this tell us?  Simply that as a group and by following the leaders, we will all be able to accomplish more than if we individually provided the same amount of effort.  Like the goose who falls out of formation and suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone – we often struggle with obstacles and challenges that as a group would not even be a bump in the road. 

Back to the geese – as the lead goose tires, it shifts back into formation and another takes the point position.  Likewise in our teams, we each my have different skills.  Those skills allow us to easily handle tasks which others may struggle with.    In doing so, the entire group move faster and easier than if we individually were to handle each and every task ourselves.  For those stepping out or in front to handle tasks, we can encourage and support them in their duties.  When our turn comes, we certainly will appreciate the support of all the individuals behind us. 

Should a goose become sick or wounded, two other geese will drop out of formation to assist with protecting the single goose.  They are available for support until the goose gets better or dies.  They then join another available formation or strike out on their own until they can find another formation.  Do we as team members come to the aide of someone who is having challenges?  Perhaps all they need is a little suppport or guidance to become a fully functioning team member again.  Should we ignore them and allow them to struggle for long on their own, most likely they will fall away and the team will lose a member.

Lessons are available to be learned here.  Will we as team members stand together in challenging times as well as those times in which the going is much easier?  We should all follow the lead of the geese and fly in formation when performing our duties, as well as fall back and support members who may require a bit of extra support when that happens.

 Do you often find yourself discouraged?  Or are you seemingly ”stuck” doing or thinking the same things over and over?  You want to change, but you just can’t seem to make it happen.  It might be time to let go of your “sacred cows”.  Now read the story below:

THE LONE COW (author unknown)

A wise man was walking with his student and conversing about the importance of visiting new places and meeting new people, and the knowledge one can gain from these experiences. They came upon a very poor area and passed a rundown house where they saw a couple with their children.All five were dressed in torn clothes and no shoes. The house was severely neglected. The wise man approached the father and inquired as to how he managed to survive in this impoverished area where there was no commerce or work opportunity. The man answered that the family owned a small cow that produced some milk; some of which they traded in the nearby town for other food, and the rest they used to make some cheese and yogurt for themselves. That is how they survived. The wise man thanked him for his honesty and went on his way.

 As they walked on, the wise man told his student that he must go back, find the cow, and throw it over the abyss. The student was shocked and tried to convince his teacher that this would be a mistake, that it would surely destroy the poor family. The wise man listened and then walked away. Being faithful, the student went back and fulfilled his teacher’s wish, but the picture of the cow falling down the abyss kept torturing him.

The student was never able to completely forget the incident. Years later he went back to see if there was any way he could help the family or possibly repay them for the suffering he had caused. As he approached the area, he immediately noticed a change, everything looked nice and well kept. He became very depressed and was sure that the family, after losing their one cow, had been forced from their house and land just to survive. He saw a new house in place of the old one, and as he approached the house he saw a vaguely familiar man.

He inquired about the poor family with the single cow that used to live there, and he was told that the same family still lives there. He then asked how they had managed to pull out of such dire poverty and become successful. The man smiled and told him that a few years ago their only cow had suddenly disappeared and that initially they were in shock; but as a result they had to develop new skills and find new ways to survive. The man admitted that the loss of the cow had been the best thing that ever happened to the family.

The reality is we all have things we are holding onto.  Why – because we believe our survival may be dependent upon that one item.  Yet in reality, it may be the only thing holding us back from trying something completely new and different. 

To move forward and break free of the life we now live, the income level we are at, or perhaps even the relationships we now have – we must trust ourselves enough to release the items we are clinging onto.  Yes, those “sacred cows” that we feel we couldn’t possibly live without.  Letting go of comfortable and familiar is not easy to do, yet once we do we may find ourselves in a different environment with a new set of circumstances.  It is here we may thrive, rather than just survive.

We each have our own defination of what success means to us.  I’d like to share some thoughts on the 3 places one may find themselves on the way to success – or actually anything else as well. 

The first place is what I’ll call the “not ready” stage.  Here we may, or may not, even think about doing something different.  We may find ourselves so overwhelmed with our current situation that it consumes us.  We follow our routine and in doing so end up treading water at best, or maybe even finding ourselves loosing ground.  We may know our situation is not good, but haven’t given any thought about doing something different which could improve or change our station in life.  To move from this place we must recognize where we are and make a concious decision to change.

“Getting ready” is the second place we can find ourself.  Here we have made a concious decision to make changes in our life and are laying out the steps we need to take.  We may be educating ourselves regarding a topic, for sure we are changing how we think and look at things around us.  We may be gaining the assistance of others who have successes in their life.  Our action plan is coming together and we are preparing to make changes.  Now it is appropriate to say many people can get stuck on this phase.  Recognize everything doesn’t need to be perfect before moving on – if you get hung up in the details, and only spend your time “getting ready“, you will never progress.  At some point you just have to say “let’s go” and allow the remaining details to be resolved along the way.

The last place is the “ready” or “action“ stage.  Our preparations have been completed and now we are taking action and following our plan.  Our outlook on life is different.  Daily we are making strides towards our desired accomplishment – whether they be small steps or at times big ones.  Our mindset allows us to deal with challenges and dissapointments much differently than in the past – we now know they are just obstacles in our path to achievement.  We are committed to our goal and we stay the course, getting closer and closer to our target. 

Changing is not easy.  Yet to move ourselves from where we are today, we have 3 places or stages to progress through.  We first must make a concious decison to change, this is followed by preparation, and finally action.  In most cases this is something we must do ourselves and cannot depend upon others to change our life.  Good luck in your journey.

Have you ever found yourself facing a problem where you just didn’t know how you were going to handle or cope with the situation?  I’m sure we all have – here’s a few guidelines the next time you find yourself in that position:

 - Stop and take a breath – don’t panic.  Review the situation and determine if it is real or imagined. 

 - Lay out the facts as you know them.  Clarify each part of the difficulty you are facing so you can identify exactly what is the real issue and not an imagined or inflated one.

 - Say a prayer and ask God for his help and wisdom.

 - Listen to others who are willing to offer assistance, and listen to yourself and your creative thinking.   Always consider what is the right thing to do – as nothing wrong can ever turn out right.

 - Look for answers to each of the problem areas you identified.  Solve the first one first, then move on to any subsequent ones.  Don’t try and solve the entire problem all at once – do it in small pieces.

 - Keeping thinking about the challenge, keep believing in your ability to find a right solution, and keep working until you have overcame the obstacle. 

Consider the word “impossible”.  By removing the first two letters, you are left with “possible”.  Strip away the “im” and you have found the answer.  Remove the clutter around your problem and take an objective look, you may begin to see solutions right away.   Or you may need to dig a bit deeper to find the real cause of the challenge.  By taking a few simple steps may not only allow you to cope with an issue, but to solve it completely.

What size are your dreams?  If big dreams can go on to produce big results, and little dreams produce little results – what do you get if you have no dreams?  You guessed it – no results!

Quoting Eleanor Roosevelt – “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.“  For someone who has no dreams, or only small ones, most likely they will find their life routine, uneventful, and in many ways unfulfilled.  I honestly believe if one asked others the question “do you want to make a difference with your life”, the answer would be “yes”.  Yet with that “yes” answer, what size are your dreams in order that you truly can make a difference with what you do with your life?  Without big and bold dreams, it is likely your life will impact few people other than your immediate family. 

Don’t limit your dreams by the size of your income today.  If you do, you will only achieve something similar to what you have today.  If you live in an apartment, dream of owning your own house in a place of your choosing.  If you work a job today, dream about owning a successful large business – perhaps even one in which you can now hire someone to run it for you, leaving you to do other things with your life.  I challenge you to dream big dreams and not limit your thinking as to the results you can achieve.  So what if someone thinks you are a little crazy.  It is more likely your legacy, than theirs, will live on and make a difference for others.  Think “out of the box”, don’t limit yourself.  Heck, throw away the box and dream big – as that is where the big results will be found.

So how do we go about achieving success, when we have both a “winner” and a “loser” inside of us?   By simply letting the “winner” mindset win out over the “loser” mindset which only wants to hold you back or slow you down.  The “winner” mentality says “I can do this”, “I can accept the risks of my actions over the certainty of failure by taking no action”, “today is a great day to be alive and I’m going to make a difference in my life and the lives of others”. 

We all have unique skills and abilities – and by using them, we can achieve success.  It may not be the same level as someone else, as their skills and abilities may be different, but it is still a success for us.  Success might be as simple as a smile or a simple “thank you” from someone, or seeing your child faced with a difficult decision make the correct choice.  Success may be an accomplishment for yourself – earning a degree or winning an honor because of your complete commitment to that activity.  Other types of success may be a financial success or those making a difference in the lives of many others. 

Achieving the success or accomplishment, took a basic belief (“I can do this”) along with commitment and perseverance to start and complete all the steps required – even in the face of obstacles and setbacks.  The key is having the confidence to start and to overcome all the factors which said you would fail – this is accomplished by allowing the winner in you to emerge, and to stay on top of the loser thoughts which wanted you to play it safe or to not even make the attempt.  Not every time we try will be find or achieve success, however that experience could be just the one which will allow us to reach our goal with the next attempt.  To achieve success the winner characteristics must not only emerge, but flourish as we work ourselves along the journey to achieve our desired success.

So how do we go about achieving success, when we have both a “winner” and a “loser” inside of us?  It’s most obvious if we are to succeed, we must do something about the little voice which tells us things like “that’s too risky”, “I don’t have enough (fill in your own word) to do that”, or “what if I fail”.  When we hear that voice, or have those thoughts, it’s the “loser” in us coming out.

Many people “just get by” by listening and following those thoughts, when in order to truly succeed in life or achieve success they need to squelch that voice.  As a loser, we talk about safety and security, and make choices accordingly.  We choose a safe job (as if there are any of those anymore) rather than working an opportunity of our own choosing.  We place our money into savings accounts with today’s minimal returns.  Some may even include stocks or mutual funds which have shown the all too often declines wiping out years worth of gains.  And by playing it safe, in the end we end up losing as we find we don’t have control of whether or not we stay in our jobs, or what happens to our savings.  We choose to believe Social Security will be there and take care of us in our retirement years. 

We shouldn’t feel too bad, as each of us has that “loser” character in us.  And he wins each time we allow our fears, doubts, or confidence in our own abilities to surface and to hold us back from doing something to move us closer to achieving success.  It’s unfortunate, but many people have never learned to have perseverance in face of disappointment, doubts, or other people telling them the could never succeed.  Too often we try to please others, rather than do the steps which could move us forward towards our dreams. 

In order to overcome the “loser” in us, we can add exposure to positive thinking by reading certain books or by listening to self-help CD’s.  We can surround ourselves with other encouraging individuals and distance ourselves from others who only focus on the negative.  We can learn to confront our fears by taking action – while you may not succeed each time, by taking the action you have dispelled some of the fear.  We can learn to handle when someone tells us “no” to not take it personally and understand they were just rejecting the opportunity or the idea we were sharing.  We can find something we can start or join on a part-time basis which will give us another income stream – small successes will build confidence and allow us to be more comfortable with bigger steps.

Each time you step out and “do something” you are mastering the “loser” within you.  You will know the amount of success you can achieve until you start.  For some, that success will not be brought to fruition until after they are gone from this earth.  And once started, you must keep going, even when you face challenges or fail.  Achieving success or living the life you dream about is not easy – but to do so you must overcome the “loser” found within each of you.